Current mood:	blank
Current music:	Weezer - The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

I am Jack's glassy eyes.
i feel like an empty void is inside me. i feel like a clay mold the encases a dark empty void now. there are cracks in the face. mended mishappenly. i stare out into the world as if nothing is there. my faces seems a mask for those to look at. the truth might so bad that you might get sucked into it as well. but then again...i don't feel dead inside. i just feel empty, blank, exhausted. just not all there. i'm not giving people a mask that is totally opposite of the truth. i just try to make the best of things. i can worry and think about the rest on my own. i don't need to worry anyone else with my shit. i just feel like something is totally missing inside me now. i'm not complete. and i miss it. but i guess that is the point to life. to find what completes you. some people have that strong pull and know what it is....some other people don't have that strong pull to fill the void. i have that strong pull...to fill my void. i need happiness and love for that one person. and all i have to do is keep moving on...and keep looking and waiting.

i don't welcome death. i don't want to die. but i want to see how far i can push it. how far i can take the edge. i ask myself..."can i hang off the edge?" then i try. life is too short not to test the end. it is enticing. to see the end of all existence is a thrill. i will continue to see the edge and i will continue to test the boundaries in which i can survive. some may say i'm crazy...i say i'm genius. i push to get a look at death. i don't want to stay. i want to live forever! i will live forever! i will live as the genius of my age. the one who found the edge to which things can be pushed. the one who was singed in hell's fires. to come back and try again for the edge and to dance in the face of evil...to dance on the devil. i am not a genius for trying death...i am a genius for living in the face of death. to toy with death and live for the future. if death takes me...then it takes me. he is a welcome customer in my store. we all have to go sometime. i'm not going to fight it. but i don't want him to come but for a visit. as long as he comes by and says hello a few times and lets me go on to love life and love the world and love someone totally then i'll love death and embrace it without hesitation. but if i don't experience those things then i will embrace with a heavy heart and a grim soul.

i'm still gold. but that will not stay. nothing gold stays. i take leave of you with my empty void drifting across my eyes. and my love for this world moving like the waters of the oceans. cascading upon the shores and mixing with the milions or others. i wait for death...patiently. and i live life for all it is worth. we don't have much time here. so you have to make the best of the time you got.

life is like a puzzle. some of the pieces fit together nicely. sometimes you get the border together and work on the inside. i have got bits and pieces. nothing else seems to fit. right now life has got me thoroughly stumped.

By My Own Will.....I shall prevail.

Chad